Do you fear change? Is there something you should change in your life, such as a bad job or relationship, but you feel stuck? Are you in the midst of a difficult transition and feeling lost? Do you seek healthy ways to deal with the stress of change? Or unhealthy ways to avoid it?
It’s often said that the only constant in life is change. Just think of all the changes you’ve already experienced, such as high-school or college graduation, starting or leaving a job, beginning and ending relationships, moving, or becoming a parent. Change is inevitable. So why do we often have such a hard time with it?
It’s because change means having to let something go, which disturbs our sense of safety, says Elaine Sullivan, M.Ed., L.P.C., a counselor, educator and board member of the National Wellness Institute who lives and practices in Dallas. “Change creates a void time, an in-between time. You have to let go of something before something new has a chance to become.”
For example, a woman who has moved to a new city or experienced a divorce will often find herself asking fundamental questions such as: Who am I? What has meaning for me now? How do I get back my sense of self?
“These times have been referred to as ‘the wintertime of life,’” Sullivan says. “On the surface, it looks like nothing is happening, but beneath, an immense amount is going on. Springtime will come, bringing new opportunities.”
Even with the promise of spring, the void time can be stressful, so it is important to be patient and gentle with yourself, Sullivan says. Take care of your health, keep in contact with people who care about you, read books that provide comfort and allow yourself plenty of quiet, contemplative time.
“People tend to want to fill the void with lots of stuff,” Sullivan says. “They do anything they can to avoid feeling vulnerable and raw.”
This tendency toward avoidance also can prevent people from tackling necessary changes that would ultimately improve their lives. “Change is a natural, normal process. You have choices. Realizing this can give you the courage to grow,” Sullivan says. Staying in situations (a job, a relationship) that no longer fit is painful and can destroy physical and mental health.
Sullivan offers the five steps on the opposite page to help you learn from the changes you’ve already weathered, and to embrace new ones that will come your way. For exercises 1-4, write your thoughts in a journal.
5 Steps to Choosing Positive Change
1. Look at your life over the past five years. What have been your major transitions? What have you gained as a result? You can even do this in chart form, a column for transitions and a column for the benefits.
2. Are you satisfied with your job, relationships, social life, physical health? One hint that you may need change is a lack of joy. Consider the potential for positive changes — and the strategies that will make them happen. Write them down.
3. Examine the ways you react to change. Do you avoid or mask your emotions by overeating or abusing alcohol or drugs? Make a list of healthy outlets you enjoy — like exercise, cooking, gardening, reading — that you can do instead.
4. Focus on one change at a time. When you’re ready to make a life change, it’s more manageable to target one area.
5. Find a confidant, someone who will listen without judgment. If you feel the transition is too much to bear, don’t hesitate to pursue short-term counseling.
Once you’ve acknowledged your emotions by writing and talking about them, you will be able to let go of the past and focus your energy in the present, Sullivan says. You will become more open to positive choices, and more aware of future possibilities. “Transition times don’t last forever,” Sullivan stresses. “New beginnings will come, along with a renewed sense of who you are.”
Carolyn C. Armisfead is a writer living in Carlisle, Mass.
COPYRIGHT 2002 Weider Publications

COPYRIGHT 2002 Gale Group
Carolyn C. Armistead